


the extraordinary tale of yiffany longstocking

by myheadisapumpkin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Gen, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, Intersex, The Homestuck Epilogues, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23884645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myheadisapumpkin/pseuds/myheadisapumpkin
Summary: A series of conversations between Jade and Rose as they create the life known as Yiffy.Homestuck 2, Canon-compliant.
Relationships: Jade Harley & Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley/Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	1. hey we should have a baby together... jk..... unless ;)

**Author's Note:**

> why did i decide to write this? because i needed this conversation badly. give me rosejade conversations or give me DEATH
> 
> alternatively, this is how rosejade can still win-

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:15 --  


GG: rose  
GG: rooooooooose  
GG: are you there  
TT: I am now.  
TT: What’s going on?  
GG: nothing!  
GG: i just wanted to talk to you about something i guess  
TT: Oh, thank goodness.  
TT: I assumed…  
TT: Well, never mind what I assumed. Talk away.  
GG: okkk  
GG: well…….. i guess i feel really weird lately  
GG: it feels like everyones having babies and becoming families and  
GG: i dont know. i never really had a family other than grandpa before sburb  
GG: but i cant help but find myself wanting one???  
TT: I see.  
TT: So you want to start a family with Dave and Karkat?  
GG: yeah, but they arent really on board : /  
GG: weve talked about it a lot lately  
GG: well. ive talked about it  
GG: and theyve told me no  
GG: i feel like they arent ever going to say yes  
TT: I’ll be honest with you, Jade. While I love them both, they are manchildren.  
TT: Dave especially.  
GG: i think he’d be fine  
GG: i think theyd both make good parents  
GG: but  
TT: But you can’t force them into fatherhood.  
GG: exactly  
TT: Dare I be so bold as to suggest something?  
GG: thats what youre here for!  
GG: bold suggestions  
TT: Maybe you should… break up with them?  
GG: uhh  
TT: So you can meet someone else?  
GG: hmm  
TT: And start a family together?  
GG: rose  
GG: i cant break up with them  
TT: Why?  
GG: because i love them! Because i want to be with them!  
GG: out of all the shitty sacrifices ive had to make  
GG: just so i can get to this point  
GG: of being alive and being with friends and not alone!  
GG: maybe this sacrifice might be okay  
TT: Are you fucking kidding me?  
GG: no?  
TT: Jade, that’s the biggest pile of horseshit I’ve ever read.  
TT: You have sacrificed so much for this life.  
TT: You deserve the chance to live your fucking life the way you want to live it.  
TT: Who cares if they don’t want kids? Who cares if you don’t want to find someone else?  
TT: Fuck that.  
TT: Jade Harley. You deserve this.  
TT: If this is what you want, you should have it.  
GG: …………………..  
GG: yeah  
GG: YEAH YOURE RIGHT  
TT: YOU KNOW I AM.  
GG: ROSE  
TT: YES?  
GG: WOULD YOU CARRY MY BABY?  
GG: …..  
GG: rose??  
TT: Sorry, I was just.  
TT: Pondering.  
GG: yeah  
GG: sorry i guess that came out of nowhere huh  
GG: i just  
GG: after sburb and everything my body is  
TT: Oh.  
GG: yeah  
TT: Do you want to talk about it?  
GG: i guess so  
GG: honestly id rather never talk to anyone about it  
GG: anyone i know i mean  
GG: with the amount of partying ive done i mean, ive certainly told some people about it  
GG: but if this is going to be a possibility you deserve all the facts  
TT: Go on.  
GG: well…………..  
GG: god this feels so awkward. i never expected i'd have to explain my private parts to you :/  
TT: You don’t have to, Jade. Not if you aren’t comfortable with it.  
GG: no its fine  
GG: just kinda weird haha  
TT: Understandably. We’ve known each other a long time.  
GG: ok so  
GG: after i went godtier  
GG: a lot of stuff was going on if you recall  
TT: Yep. Suicide missions. Trying to win the game. Etcetera.  
GG: yup  
GG: so i really didnt have time to process it all until the ship  
GG: and since i was alone well… i definitely had time to become accustomed to it  
GG: i guess i thought it would still be fine because  
GG: i still had my parts  
GG: but then my period stopped coming and i definitely felt a lot of changes in my body for those three years  
GG: keep in mind id only had my period for like a year :/  
GG: quite alarming to say the least  
TT: I bet. Though honestly, I am a tad jealous that you don’t get periods.  
GG: ok thats fair  
GG: but still  
GG: it was weird for me  
GG: but both parts work just differently  
TT: Right.  
TT: So… To clarify: you would be providing the sperm, yes?  
GG: yes  
TT: Okay. That’s fine.  
TT: Would you give me some time to think about it?  
GG: yes of course  
GG: talk it over with kanaya if you must  
GG: but um… be discreet :/  
TT: Don’t worry.  
GG: also rose  
GG: please dont feel pressured into doing this  
GG: its such a big thing of me to ask  
TT: Hush, Jade. I’m a big girl. I can say no if I want to.  
TT: I’ll talk to you later, okay?  
GG: ok  
GG: bye  
TT: Bye, Jade.  


\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:45 --  


\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 00:14 --  


TT: So I’ve been doing some research.  
GG: oh??  
TT: You know, dog pregnancies only last 2 months.  
TT: If I can get away with a two month pregnancy, I would be the luckiest woman alive. Having children-wise.  
GG: wait  
GG: so are you saying………..  
TT: I’m saying I’ll do it.  
GG: really?????  
GG: rose are you sure?  
TT: I’m sure.  
GG: and kanaya doesnt mind?  
TT: …  
TT: I… Have elected not to tell her.  
GG: ?????  
GG: is that… a good idea???  
GG: isnt she going to find out eventually?  
TT: When are you planning on telling Dave and Karkat?  
GG: …………………….  
GG: …………………….  
GG: ok i see your point  
GG: but this is kanaya were talking about! do you really think she’d be against it?  
TT: Well, no.  
TT: I wasn’t sure when, or if, you planned on telling Dave and Karkat.  
TT: And if you elect not to tell them, Kanaya would possibly feel obliged to inform them, or possibly let it slip to Karkat one time.  
TT: I just. I don’t want to risk…  
TT: I don’t want to risk you, or the baby, or my family falling apart.  
GG: i get that  
GG: to be honest i’ve been really anxious all day thinking about the possiblities  
GG: how theyd react if i told them  
GG: what theyd do  
GG: what if they left me  
GG: so i decided going into this that im going to be an independent parent no matter what.  
GG: i cant risk them not wanting to be involved by forcing it on them  
GG: and i cant risk them trying to rise to it but resenting me their whole lives  
GG: or them possibly fucking up my kid because of their own issues  
TT: You mean Dave.  
GG: yeah  
GG: i hate to say it but he said it himself  
GG: he thinks he’d be a terrible parent because he had one himself  
TT: You aren’t wrong. Dave’s bro’s ‘parenting techniques’ definitely don’t seem like they would filter down into… Something healthy.  
TT: I know Dave would try his best but at the end of the day… I don’t think he’d do well. And I think he’d hate himself for it.  
GG: exactly  
GG: so were agreed  
GG: they cant know  
TT: And neither can Kanaya.  
GG: still think maybe she should know  
TT: I’ll work on it.  
GG: rose?  
TT: Yes, Jade?  
GG: we’re having a baby :D :D :D :D  
TT: Yes, Jade. We are.  
TT: :)  
GG: are you really sure? totally 100% sure?  
TT: Definitely.  
TT: You’re worth it, Jade.  



	2. theres a difference between cheating on your wife and having a baby with another person. we just arent sure which is worse yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Jade get ready for the insemination process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u to StepperOfTheLongEarth for telling me abt the homestuck formatting website, this baby look sleek as FUCK

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:45 --  


TT: Are you ready?  
GG: yeah ill be over soon  
GG: kanaya isnt there right  
TT: Of course not. I do not create children behind my wife’s back without being acutely aware of her location at all times.  
TT: What kind of person do you take me for?  
GG: haha yeah youre right  
GG: rose? are you sure you want to do this?  
TT: Yes.  
GG: ………  
TT: Are you not sure?  
GG: no its not that  
GG: it just feels  
GG: like a heavy decision  
GG: like the moment we started discussing it it just got bigger and bigger and bigger  
GG: how am i going to look after this kid??  
GG: i barely had an attentive guardian to begin with!  
GG: i loved grandpa but he wasnt always the best at looking after me  
GG: maybe im like dave maybe i shouldnt be bringing up a child :/  
TT: Jade, if you don’t want to do this, I won’t force you into anything. It was your idea, after all.  
TT: But I think you may be overthinking things.  
TT: All parents make mistakes. It’s the desire to love and care for their children that makes them good parents.  
TT: At least, that’s what I think.  
TT: I see it every time I watch Kanaya with little Vriska.  
TT: For all that Kanaya has gone through, she’s an incredible mother.  
GG: do you think youre a good mother?  
TT: I’m not sure. I’m trying to be.  
TT: Maybe that’s what counts.  
TT: My mother tried. She had her own issues, of course, with the alcoholism and all but that didn’t stop her from trying.  
GG: i guess youre right  
GG: as usual :p  
GG: but i keep worrying about how to raise her and how to keep her secret  
GG: or if i even should?  
GG: do i really want my kid growing up the same way i did? alone on an island?  
GG: god i cant make that decision  
GG: how am i going to keep her from dave and karkat?!?  
GG: oh god oh god  
TT: Jade, you’re spiralling.  
TT: We’ll plan it all out meticulously, okay?  
TT: We have time.  
TT: If this insemination takes today, we’ll have two full months to plan.  
TT: And we can start as soon as you get here.  
GG: what about kanaya  
GG: what about vriska?  
GG: dont you feel like  
GG: i dont know  
GG: like youre betraying them?  
TT: Well,  
TT: Maybe.  
TT: A part of me does.  
TT: A part of me feels as though I’m throwing away a life I never imagined I’d ever have growing up. A wildcard thrown my way by fate. A beautiful wife, a baby, a home. They had all seemed like childish fairytales when I was younger. There were bigger things at stake. Such as, the world ending and our lives being chewed up and spat out into a video game.  
TT: But SBURB changed me. It changed how I felt about the world, how I felt about myself.  
TT: When I thought I was going to die, I changed again.  
TT: I thought about creation.  
TT: I thought about destruction.  
TT: And what I decided is that, I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want.  
TT: Of course I love my wife, and my child, and our life. But I need more than fairytales to survive. I need substance. I need a purpose.  
TT: I need to bring forth a child that can save the world.  
GG: ok you lost me there  
GG: the world is saved? remember? we kind of did that  
TT: Not saved, Jade. Created.  
TT: We created our world, the people, the kingdoms.  
TT: By our own volition, we have created war.  
TT: One day it will happen.  
GG: how do you know?  
GG: we’ll be around to stop it!  
TT: And what if we are the ones causing it?  
GG: …  
TT: We are Gods, Jade. What happens with Gods go to war?  
TT: Destruction happens.  
GG: okay fine but youre basing this all on a possibility  
GG: you dont KNOW it will happen  
TT: Are you forgetting my abilities?  
GG: i thought they sort of faded away  
GG: after you survived?  
TT: They did.  
TT: But while I was sick, I saw many things. Many versions of myself, many realities. Many possibilities.  
TT: I didn’t understand at the time, but now I know.  
TT: I know what I must do.  
GG: give our child a hero complex?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: Give our child a hero complex.  
GG: rose i dont think-  
TT: I’m kidding, Jade.  
GG: ………..  
GG: about which part ._.  
TT: The hero complex.  
TT: Jade, please trust me when I say that I will care for and love this child as much as you will.  
TT: I have no intention of purposing messing it up for the sake a possible reality.  
TT: Just know that it is a reality that will almost certainly come true, at one point or another.  
TT: So we may as well be prepared with a secret weapon.  
GG: a secret WEAPON???  
TT: Not a secret Weapon. She isn’t the weapon.  
TT: The secret is the weapon.  
GG: >.>  
TT: Rethinking some things?  
GG: maybe  
GG: i mean  
GG: no!  
GG: not this anyway  
GG: just  
GG: oh i dont knoooow  
GG: i wish i could talk to john about this :(  
TT: I mean, you can.  
GG: you KNOW i cant :///  
TT: Oh yes, my apologies.  
TT: I forgot that you two are pretty much incapable of sharing your true feelings with one another.  
TT: Silly me.  
GG: ruuuude  
GG: but true :/  
TT: Anyway. Are you almost here or what? Kanaya’s going to be back at 6, you know.  
GG: thats in 3 hours, how long do you think this will take?  
TT: Who knows, I just want it to be done as soon as possible so we can scheme.  
TT: *Plan. I meant to say plan.  
GG: sometimes it weirds me out how similar you are to dirk  
TT: Gross.  
TT: Way to ruin a moment.  
GG: ha!  
GG: okay im almost there, see you soon!  
TT: Fly safely.  


**Author's Note:**

> the update was weird but i support yiffany and ill fight anyone whos a hater x


End file.
